The weed killer is killing me:

This morning at work I was talking to a co-worker in the shop and I thought "hmmm, his cologne smells kind of sickeningly sweet." A few minutes later my boss yelled down the hall, "do you guys smell that?!?"

Mental thought: Is said co-worker's cologne that strong??

Fast forward 2 seconds--we all spy out the front window an industrial sized vat of weed killer being sprayed all over the street in front of our building.

Fast forward 2 more seconds--the quiet grip of nausea begins to take hold and soon all 50 employees are headache-y and vom-y.

Conclusion--I'm slowly dying and nobody at work seems to be leaving so I guess I'll just die.

Artistic rendering of my life right now

Hey, this is what's been happening!

Hey remember when I said one of my travel dreams was to visit Paris (you're welcome for wiki linking you--now you can read tiny text for hours about one topic) this year? Well I'm doing it, me and my best friend booked a flight to Paris for late July. I see lots of red lipstick and "oui oui" in my near future.

This is said best friend with great bangs in the middle

Hey remember when I said I was really happy because I met somebody that I love, who makes me laugh and feel special? Well I am. He's the best. Really, the best.

This is just a little something boyfriend and I whipped up

This is boyfriend's roomate's dog, confusing? Sitting (where he is not supposed to be) on the couch

Just a couple of dudes (Maru and boyfriend) in pajamas

This is boyfriend and I (sitting where we are allowed to) on the couch

This is a good Memorial Day weekend (re: 4 day weekend for me because I don't work Fridays). Lots of dranks and hanging with friends. Also Sunday night Tim and I have a rezzie at Searsucker for Arizona Restaurant Week (I plan on wearing a dress with lots of room because I also plan on eating my weight in bacon and dessert). 

Until next time.....

On Anxiety:

Growing up I always loved the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's (and still do). Audrey Hepburn is the epitome of class and sophistication and she has such a lovely nature. But more than that I found it comforting when her character talked about getting "the mean reds." The mean reds sounded like some far off sadness that you just couldn't put your finger on. Like something that swept over you every once and a while for no real reason at all. I thought I had the mean reds too. When I was younger the mean reds manifested as some sort of angst or restlessness and into my early 20's they felt like tiny bouts of depression. But I'm learning as of recently that what I always thought of as some mysterious gloominess that hung around every so often is not really sadness at all but more likely a bit of anxiety. It sounds strange but I'm happy to be discovering this because it feels tangible, like something I can work on. I think it will be important to work on letting perfection go, letting my worrisome nature subside. For some reason I carry a strong sense of obligation to others and I would like to work on managing my expectations and my obligations.

Oh Audrey!

Lately:

I have not written in here in sometime. I was on a streak of overloading this poor blog with with weepy, womanly feelings but lately I feel very protective of my emotions. Like I want to keep them inside of a little nest, bound together with old bits of twine, held tightly together deep under my sternum. Not because I don't feel feelings anymore, but because for some reason I want to keep what is mine, mine. Just for now. Probably in a few months I will resume pithy dribble. Back to regularly scheduled programming.

Ok there is one thing that is mine but that is so nice it should also be shared with the world, maybe. That thing is love. And it's warm and gooey, like diving into a bowl of your grandma's best macaroni and cheese and eating your way back out again. It makes you feel content and satisfied and happy and small. Like you would do anything for your love. Like you would struggle a little in the beginning because in the end it will be worth it. It's definitely worth it.

Just watchin' some 3D flick about dinosaurs...Jurassic Park!

I Love Him:

Love:

Keeping a record of your life that you can look back on later means that you punctuate each entry with good and bad. Life is good and life is bad and sometimes it's neither, sometimes it just is. It's easy to write about the sad, the melancholy because that's what rolls off the tongue best. What's not as easy is to write about the good stuff, the happy stuff, that stuff that makes your heart burst because the whole time you are writing you are worried that when you finish your sentence the happy will be gone, it will have disappeared just as quickly as it came.

But this time I'm not so worried, this time I'm not so concerned about the happy going away because this time I don't think it's going to go away. The thing that's making me most happy in this very moment is this person that I met, this person that I fell in love with. This person is witty and kind and says things like "I love you" and means it. This person makes me laugh every day.

On Being Young:

The beauty of being young doesn't stem from irresponsibility or from looking the other way, turning the other cheek. The beauty doesn't come from carelessness but mindfulness. It comes from the appreciation of the random. It comes in dark, smokey rooms with your best friend. It comes on foggy, downtown streets at night. It comes through the sound of hipsters in drag wearing Lolita sunglasses playing sad surf music. It comes when the ceiling is lit up like a high school prom. The beauty is the 'being lose on the world' part, the 'liking everything' part, the whole 'world is my oyster' part.