The enticing thing about technology is that it provides instant gratification. I can receive compliments and vent to nobody in particular and discover new recipes and download great music without even getting up from my desk. It's unbelievably rewarding to reconnect with long lost friends or collect and trade songs like we did with paper dolls as kids. My computer is a beautiful drug, a giant white pill that pulls me in and pulls me under. On the surface level it feels good to establish immediate relationships, it's so easy and casual. But there is also something very disingenuous about hitting "send" rather than picking up the phone or meeting face to face. It begins to feel dishonest and fake to rely on a bunch of cables and buttons to communicate, or mis-communicate in most cases. I met my friend for drinks downtown last night and she detailed to me how because of a picture on Facebook involving her boyfriend she began to spiral into a frenzy of paranoia. The issue resolved itself as we knew it would, her boyfriend loves her and she had nothing to worry about, it was all a bit of mis-communication. The point is that my beautiful friend is a confident, intelligent woman. She is getting her masters, she's an advocate for human rights, she's fluent in multiple languages. She is not the kind of woman who stresses. And yet she did. Whether it's Facebook or Myspace or Twitter, these social media hubs blur the line between reality and our skewed perception of it.
Even in writing this blog I'm advertising myself a certain way. These are my thoughts, these are my ideas but this is NOT the real me. This is only the me that you perceive, no amount of reading this will unlock who I am. I'm spinning my words for effect, and you're probably falling for it, as we all do.
I created an account on OKCupid.com several months ago. I uploaded a picture, I filled out the questionnaire. I tried to give those boys something to fall for on there too. My Gmail fills up daily with responses like "You're cute, let's chat." "What's your favorite Radiohead album?" "I don't usually do this, but how are you. Let's hang out." I've never responded. Ever. Not to one of them. I think it's because I find it so shiesty, so calculated. Whatever happened to a chance encounter at a coffee shop that turns into true love? Maybe it's because I can't bare the thought of being rejected through one more piece of technology. After all these years it's always the same, a call, a text, an email, a Facebook message. It's too much. Hiding behind a computer screen feels very easy but it's cold and plastic and that's very fitting because that's how you feel afterwards. I feel empty and bored after reading the "News Feed" on Facebook, it's like making a meal out of saltines and water. It fills your belly but it isn't satisfying or rewarding, it's bland and it only serves to fill a void.
I can't say that I will stop using sites like Facebook, it's a great marketing tool. You wouldn't even be reading my blog if it weren't for the platform, the voice that it gives me. My friend from above, the paranoid Superwoman, deleted her account and I couldn't feel happier for her. I don't know about deletion but maybe I'll start with a slow retraction.
It's so pretty funny I read this because I was actually going to post a blog about it right before I found it.
ReplyDeleteI 100% agree. I feel somewhat shameful that my connection to the outside is so tightly wound with the internet. If it weren't for Facebook I may make little plans to hang out with friends. But what about before that? Before I had a cell phone, a steady internet connection, status updates? I still had friends, only the connections were slightly deeper.
There are days when I want to abandon FB, blogging, etc. Write letters instead, call people on the phone. If only I wasn't in the minority on that one...
Aren't you just laughing at the irony of this situation!! lol. I love being able to instantly connect with you and to read your blog and give you instant feedback but at the same time I wish that we could talk in person! And the same goes for all of my friends....*sigh* what kind of world have we created for ourselves?? lol. It's such a double-edged sword...
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about people ingenuously parroting obvious things back at you. My sites are filled with lists of things I like and they are often recited back to me as if discovered by some chance accident. It's really frustrating and sometimes borderline enraging. I particularly hate, "You and I have the same taste in literature!" These are usually people that I have never discussed, well... anything with. As if seeing some list I put up (as a guide or reference, usually a starting point) defined anything, especially since in my case the lists are ending points. They represent years of reading, watching, listening and refining. One thing leading to the next. I guess what I'm saying is there's a difference between somebody telling you to read their favorite book and finding it through personal discovery. There's something to be said for seeking out and earning the best of things through experience, but there is also something in picking up a recommendation or something found online and taking it beyond superficiality.
ReplyDeleteI think one of my biggest pet peeves--since I worked in the journals/microfiche department of Hayden and have been a student... well, forever--is the current state of research. It's been in decline for a while and has recently just eroded beyond belief. It has become too convenient to search databases and complete entire projects without even cracking open a book. I used to help people with their research and pleaded with them, "We have almost 3000 current issues of some of the leading journals in the world! Right there! You just have to walk over and grab one. Please! And that gigantic room which is basically the entire basement of Hayden is our archives which go back to the 1800's!" Nobody ever seemed very interested. When I lost my job the collection was also slashed by nearly 1/3 to about 2000 current journals as part of the same budget cuts. Honestly, that made me more upset than the loss of my job. We've become a CliffsNotes society where books are now literally advertised for "idiots". But I digress, I'm just trying to say that I see your point as far as the damage that convenience has done to discovery.
I haven't used myspace in months and I was thinking that perhaps it's time I took a similar break from twitter and facebook. I had seriously considered doing it for Lent, but it seemed superficial (putting anything to words often does). But then again, if I had given up these things at that time, would I have missed your blog and this entry altogether? Almost certainly. That's something that I also have to consider. There's chance in everything.
Sorry for the long reply but you touched on some ideas that I found particularly interesting.
Mary thanks for always commenting, it's nice to know somebody reads this thing. I'm sure people are always telling you that your blog is like Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity"...you are the John Cusack of the blogosphere. I think it's not so much about completely giving up on technology, afterall that's the world we've made for ourselves, but more about knowing when to scale back or when to not put so much stalk in stupid online sites. Ok for me it's a love/hate relationship...mostly hate because I'm computer retarded. I hope you are well, sorry if I've been MIA...I am trying to shy away from being online after all.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I hope that's a typo on "Many thanks" as opposed to "Marty, thanks" because "Mary" is my least favorite typo... but it can't be helped.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I totally agree. I actually tried to give up facebook... for a week... starting tomorrow. I did that for 3 days. I couldn't do it. I couldn't! That's madness. How can I be so addicted? But my job is almost exclusively in front of a computer all day so I don't think I'll ever be able to pull away entirely with that temptation in front of me. Not to mention I go home and write... on the computer.
As far as the lists, I've always been known as a compulsive list-maker and I was trying to do a top ten everyday for a while there but stopped because--I'm pretty sure people hated it. I assure you, under different circumstances I could keep doing those forever. Fortunately, I don't make lists of former girlfriends or breakups... at least not in any official or publishable capacity. There won't be a film wherein I work in a record shop... I just realized... I'm not far off from the character. I'd like to think I have a better disposition? Better taste in music too... at least less judgmental (as I judge his taste in music)
There's certainly no need to apologize for being MIA, but in case we ever do make well on our pledges for limiting our online time we should establish another line of communication.